From Junkie to Juggernaut

So, let me just tell you a little something about that “Junkie” you sit back and judge from that saddle you ride so high. That “Junkie” is someone’s child, someone’s sibling, someone’s parent, someone’s lover; that “Junkie” is SOMEONE WHO MATTERS! That word “Junkie” churns the very pits of my soul.

When I hear that term I can literally feel, all over again, the emotions I felt the first time I was called that disgusting word. Shamed, degraded, dirty, discarded, abandoned, unloved…all felt simultaneously, but I guess those are the feelings that were intentionally invoked by calling me that vile word. And perhaps what cut the deepest was hearing that word slip so loosely from the lips of the person I admired most. You see, at that point in my life, I was at my very lowest. Broken, beaten, hopeless, alone… completely shattered!  And when you’re already in fetal position with your face buried in shame behind your palms, the last thing you need is to be kicked while you’re down.

People will look at you and see the monster you have become, but never do they stop to question, “why?” “Why did you turn to drugs? What happened to you?” I have been sober for 14 years now, and to this day no one has EVER asked me those questions. Frankly, I’m not sure that anyone cared to know. Hell, they probably still don’t. But you know what? I DO! I care because I want to heal. I care because I know that in recognizing those triggers within myself, I can assure that I never make the same mistake again. I care because I’m tired of watching those I love become statistics. I care because I want to help others who are lost on that lonely road just as I once was.  I care because I live and love from my heart, in all of its purity! I care because I LOVE those misunderstood souls that this twisted, self-righteous, judgmental world calls “Junkies” because I see myself in them. And do you know what else? For once in my life I finally love ME! I have worked very hard to overcome many obstacles in my life. I have grown from a weak-minded “Junkie” to a fucking Juggernaut, and I dare anyone to try to stop my shine!

Within the process of self-healing, I have learned the importance of allowing ourselves the time needed to reflect on our personal growth and progress. Take time to appreciate your victories, for in those moments, you may find additional healing in ways least expected. Learn to appreciate the small steps you have taken equally as much as you admire your greatest leaps and bounds. Understand that there is absolutely nothing wrong with self-love and being proud of your accomplishments. SELF-LOVE DOES NOT EQUAL SELFISH, and taking the necessary time to reflect within will allow you to learn your strengths and weaknesses in order to see where you still need to focus on improvement.

If you want to know what you are really made of, stand beneath the light in front of a mirror, and rather than looking at the image portrayed before you, stare into the shadow instead. What do you see behind the mask you wear? I will tell you that it is within that very darkness that you will find the key to unlocking the chains that imprison your soul, but you must first have the courage to face the demons of your past. You must be braver than your fears in order to free yourself from the attachments that hold you hostage. Self-reflection allows you to grow, to find solace, love, acceptance and healing, for your purpose is often found within your pain.  Your journey is yours and yours alone! Although soul work is not easy, it is detrimental to our well-being.

It has taken me a very long time to realize that. I have had to do a lot of soul-searching to come to the understanding that the only way to truly heal is to own my life experiences. So own your truth! We have all been through something traumatic at some point in our lives that changed us. But being victimized does not make you unworthy of love, nor does it mean you have to BE a victim forever. Thinking of yourself in that manner is more harmful than helpful to your personal growth and mindset.  That weakened state of mind is what led me to making some of the most horrible decisions I have ever made in my life.  But, we ALL make mistakes, and those who say they have not, well, I say they haven’t done much living. Sure, some of us make bigger mistakes than others, but it does not mean we have to live the rest of our lives hiding in embarrassment of our choices. Accepting who I really am has taught me that the only person I need to impress is ME, and I am extremely proud of myself! Stand proud in your truth and the lessons you have learned along your journey. Do not be afraid to share your story because you never know who you may be helping by doing so. No one is perfect, but we are perfect in every imperfection.

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